“Too Old” and “Evolution of the Geek” Saturday Live Poems

The Evolution of the Geek

In 16th Century Germany fairground workers who bit the heads off live chickens were called gecks- which meant fool or simpleton.

Maybe you’re a Linguistic Geek,
ever ready with a grammatical tweak?
Or an Etymological Geek, one of those nerds
always digging for the origins of words.
Geek came from the German for fool
back before anyone wore T shirts
announcing Geeks were cool.
Millions of years earlier
when humanity’s lot looked dire
it took a Geek
to stick at rubbing a stick against another stick
long enough to discover fire.
He shouted “Live Long and Prosper
without me you’d be dead!”,
another Geek whittled for ages
to fashion the first arrowhead.
Even he thought this effort was daft
little knowing he’d just discovered
World of Warcraft.
The summer everyone went mad for rolling log races
a tribe’s resident Geek pointed out they could use this
for transport to far off places.
She didn’t have much skill
at knowing how people feel,
but she’d go down in history (or not)
as the inventor of the wheel
-and Cadbury’s Mini Rolls.
Arabic Geeks with abacuses,
Greek Geeks like Pythagoras who,
alongside Baking Geek Mary Berry,
revealed why
the world is better with infinite Pi.
The first Apple Geek was of course- Isaac Newton.
Others discovered plants, planets, its and I.T,
built bridges, fridges, designed the first nightie,
and still had time to complain about inappropriate uses
of the Comic Sans font.
It’s not what you know
when knowledge is ever-growing
but what you know about one thing.
Geeks thrive in a world of specialism,
even now one will be writing an algorithm
to calculate their net worth
and predict exactly when the Geeks
will inherit the earth.

Too Old

Too old to fancy Justin Bieber
too old to still get spots
too old to be bored by the news
too old to drink vodka shots

Too old to wear Doc Martens
too old to say O.M.G
too old to shop at Top Shop
too old to watch BBC3.

Too old to drive a Beetle,
too old to go on the swings
too old to nip your sister
too old to wear fairy wings

Too old to forget to say thank you
too old to still like pink
too old to go “Ner ner ner ner nuh!”
Too old to puke up after too much to drink.

Too old to go camping for the first time
too old to learn new names
too old to be wearing hot pants
too old to watch The Hunger Games.

Too old to read NME,
too old to have candles on your cake
too old to eat Pot Noodles
too old to swim naked in a lake.

Too old not to pack a cardie
too old to drink through a straw
too old for a single bed
too old to know what the Kardashians are for.

Too old to cry at a bus stop
too old to believe that life is fair
too old to care what other people think
of what you do or what you wear.

Too old to give up easily
too old to still be told
too old to act your age
or believe there’s any such thing
as being too old.