The State of the Arts of the Future of Culture- and Plumbing

Last night, after reading about more interesting arts and cultural debates which tend not to feature many artists (and the call “where are the artists voices?” I wondered if the State of the Future Plumbing Conference has similar issues?

“So- who shall we have on this panel thing then, to kick off the discussions about the future of plumbing?”

“Someone from the Department of Plumbing”

“Obviously”

“An academic researching the sociology of plumbing”

“Love it. A broader perspective. Nice”

“The BBC’s Plumbing Correspondent.”

“Nah. Too obvious. Plus he has too much hair. What about the BBC’s industrial correspondent? It’s important to make it clear how much this ties into wider socio-economic debates?”

“Fair point.”

“Plus, how about one of the major commissioners of plumbing supplies? The CEO of B and Q maybe.”

“Like it…it’s really crucial to have the perspective of the people with the power. The people who really make things happen, U-Bend wise”

“Yeah. I’m feeling really happy with this now.”

“I can’t help feeling we’re missing something…someone…but I just don’t know who or what.”

“What about people who actually use plumbing services…y’know customers?”

“Well- they’re the ones who will ultimately benefit from the results of our debates, provocations and enquiries into the state of plumbing. But- let’s be honest, we’re going to need to find ways to get them excited about our visions for washer renewal, pipework and flushing mechanisms as we go along. That’s partly why we’re doing this isn’t it?”

“Is it?. Okay. Sorted. We’ve got our panel. I’m leaking a bit with excitement, I’ll be honest”.

EVENTS AND DISCUSSIONS ENSUE FOR SEVERAL HOURS UNTIL…

“Delegates, panellists! Sorry to interrupt these debates on the entire Future of Plumbing and that but we have to inform you that all water to the building has been cut off due to some unforeseen drainage issues. The contents of the toilets have overflowed into the corridors, the basins are spewing black stuff like they’re extras in the Exorcist and there’s a danger that the guttering is going to bring the roof down!”

MUTTERING

“What should we do?”

COLLECTIVE REALISATION

“Does anybody by any chance have a number for a plumber?”

 

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