What I Now Know About the Rugby World Cup

Rugby World Cup Poemfor BBC Radio Leeds 18/9/15
I’m no expert on the Rugby World Cup,

but it being held here might wake my interest up.

At the moment I think a Haka 

is someone who listens to your phone messages

and don’t even ask me what I think a Hooker is.
I gather this is a sport England can actually win,

(though the papers would probably blame a loss 

on Jeremy Corbyn)

Apparently it’s William Webb Ellis and line outs

and trying and trying and trying again,

it’s being a flanker,

not being a…flunker

and smelly, sweaty, steely men.
It’s getting together in the middle of the pitch for a big group hug, (I think that’s what it is)

it’s staying stoic 

when someone’s squashed your intestines to a pulp,

it’s being heroic 

and facing bigger blokes with a quickly swallowed gulp.

It’s your bowels feeling squeegy

before tonight’s opening bout with Fiji.

It’s definitely Union, not League but that doesn’t mean it’s posh.

Both types bring the region dosh. 
It’s opposing scrums of muscly boys 

and oggy oggy oggy oi oi ois

It’s tackles and kicks and laying it on thickly,

before injury sends you off

for sequins and suntans on Strictly.

It’s probably giving peace a chance

& not mocking some other team’s native dance- Hakarena- Schmacarena.
It’s big thighs,

and last minute surprise,

it’s rucking and mauling

and never ever bawling.

It’s having wins and losses and showers together,

and secretly liking muddy weather.

It’s in-tune singing from the crowd,

getting anxious and feeling proud,

faces painted with flags and woad,

four nations meeting at Elland Road,

three teams based in welcoming Leeds,

meeting all their off-pitch needs, in Fanzones and manzones, 

Millennium Square, 

it’s being able to say you were there.
From Headlingley to Halifax

as the Swing Low chariot calls,

even I’ll be fascinated by the men

with the funny shaped balls. 

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One thought on “What I Now Know About the Rugby World Cup

  1. Well done! Great poem. I’ve had plenty of notice to write mine for performance in the Rugby fanzone on 29th Sept. Having written a rather stately one, which I’m pleased with, I read yours and it spurred me on to write another! Thanks 🙂

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